Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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