she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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