at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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