i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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