At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
