dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
