It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
