Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Congratulations! We have a period
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