I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have aggressive nipples.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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