All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
