The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
