All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
