This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
