It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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