I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
we should paint friendship bongs
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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