there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
