I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
