After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
