I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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