its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
