Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
