he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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