Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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