hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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