why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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