Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
