Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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