He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He shit in the fireplace
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