it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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