oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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