only if we run a train.
done.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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