thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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