Plan B is the new Plan A
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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