At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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