I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
