Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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