and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
