Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
