Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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