plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
