Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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