I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
