i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
