I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
