Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
