So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he just fucked me for my cheese.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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