If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
