The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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