i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
