Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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