All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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