I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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