so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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