we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
