I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
