Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
