She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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