I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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