I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
