When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
