Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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