Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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