Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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