you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
