She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
