I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
