tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?