he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
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I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂