loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"