he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
