i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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