dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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