when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
