sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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