to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I need to align my fucking chakras
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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