If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
