I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
